My Regrettable Negligence

Of all the things I have done wrong, it seems there is one odd infraction, unintentionally committed, that haunts my memory the most.

It was during our eighteen days of spectacular fun in Japan. We were in Okinawa, Japan, to be more specific. On New Year's Day we attended a festival, which is a big thing there. As far as we could see, we were the only foreigners among the considerable crowd. Everything was colorful and our senses were saturated. As is their custom, the people were extremely courteous.

We wandered around and took in the many sights, sounds, and smells. The event was a lot of fun even for me. I don't normally enjoy big crowds or festivals. By our stature, clothes, and hair color, we stood out like the proverbial sore thumb. Oddly, many people wanted to get a selfie with the family of Americans. We stopped and posed with anyone we noticed doing the selfie alignment. I started to feel like a rock star. It was kind of fun, although I wouldn't want the pressure of being conspicuous all the time.

A few young people tried out their limited English on us. It was clearly textbook English. We reciprocated with equally amusing attempts at Japanese. At least we all got a good laugh out of the deal.

Eventually, we found the food alley and, naturally, there were too many choices to pick from. Nothing was in English, so we had to go by the pictures or the food offerings themselves. Somehow, when I pointed at the spicy chicken on a kabob-looking stick, the oblique angle of my indication was also construed as a selection of a drumstick meal. There were nine of us ordering in a foreign language and the confusion was abundant.

When the orders were meted out, I found myself in the awkward position of being handed two meals. I was perplexed. The Japanese man with the drumstick meal and the Japanese lady with the kabob chicken did not understand this American with a communication problem. After several minutes of muddled gestures and head nodding, I was able to establish which of the meals I had actually intended to purchase. The lady passed it to me and the man returned the drumstick to the grill.

Way later it occurred to me, that in that honor driven society, I had probably insulted the man. I am such a dolt at times, maybe most times. I should have purchased both meals. It would have only been an extra ten bucks or so. It certainly would not have been the first time I have overeaten. Besides that, my college-aged son and two sons-in-law were there, so I could have passed the extra meal off to one of them.

Unfortunately, without considering the cultural context, I simply tried to resolve the communication breakdown. As a result, I have this weird sense of unresolved guilt. I wish I could return and make an apology. But I have no way of even knowing who the young man was. That really bothers me. I have done so much worse to others, but have at least been able to return and apologize.

In the big scheme of things, it is fairly minor, but the unresolvable nature of it leaves me, well, unresolved. So I offer here my apology, from the far side of the earth, to the very polite young man at the food booth among the dozens of food booths. And I hope he did not take that personally.

To my readers, I have a piece of advice for you: If you have a reason to apologize to someone, do it quickly before the window of opportunity closes.

Getting in Touch with Your Inner Village Idiot

Rash words seem to plague our dialog. Other than taking a vow of silence, resistance seems futile. Besides that, a vow of silence is way too easy to break. Go figure.

It seems to me that promises we make fall into three broad categories. The solemn vow, the random promise, and the pinky promise. It would stand to reason that those promises are fulfilled in the order which they are listed. I'm not so sure that is the case. A poorly thought out promise can push one across the fine line between inspiration and affliction.

Personally, I want to avoid afflictions.

A solemn vow can be the ultimate catalyst that motivates an individual to a life of epic greatness. A vow like that is generally taken before a roomful of witnesses and often invokes Divine accountability. I would suggest Mother Theresa as a glowing example of this. Some may find such a vow arduous and would be advised against making such a commitment without deep soul searching.

Then there is the random promise. It is often vocalized without much consideration. Once upon a time a person's word was as good as a contract. Nowadays, that may still be the case, but the contract isn't worth anything either. This is a particularly sad change in our culture.

When we come to the pinky promise, we think of children and silliness. But, search as I might, I can recall no instances of someone breaking a pinky promise. Maybe I'm missing something here.

Which brings me to the point of this post. The mighty New Year's resolution. It can be made with all the solemnity of marital vows, but is rarely fulfilled. It seems to be the low IQ version of a life-vow. Or maybe we are just getting in touch with our inner village idiot when we make such promises. A New Year resolution is generally not attended with any accountability, because it is commonly made to oneself. That annual tradition of speaking before one thinks is generally worn out before February, just for the record.

Still, we are drawn to such self-promises, partly because the new year gives us a clean break from the past. It doesn't really, but it seems that way. I think another reason we inflict ourselves with resolutions is most people recognize their shortcomings and have a desire to improve themselves. That is honorable. Too bad it rarely works.

So, is the problem in the promises we make, or in our commitment to a given lifestyle change? Or, maybe it is in the accountability. Maybe the accountability factor is why pinky promises are more successful than New Year's resolutions. Hmmm.

I don't have great answers here, but time is running out to make New Year's resolutions for 2015. So, if you decide to make a resolution, be sure to pinky promise with someone. Or, I suppose you could think it through carefully. Whichever method you choose, I hope you are able to accomplish it.