Confessions of a Comma Hippie

/

Apparently I am a permissive comma parent. I don't particularly feel like I have intentionally let my commas run amok. However, my proof-reader/grammar-correcter/dear-wife seems to develop a great deal of angst over my laissez-faire approach to comma discipline.

In my humble opinion, I think she can be a bit overbearing in her comma parenting. Try to think of it from the comma's perspective. They never get to hang out at the end of a sentence. They are routinely excluded from office memos that contain bullet lists. They are often degraded and replaced by a semicolon. And, to top off the unfair treatment of the poor little things, they are eternally caught in the crossfire of the infamous Oxford comma custody battle between being, or not being.

At least she comes to their defense as a champion of the Oxford comma. If you see any of my writing with the Oxford comma omitted, I can assure you, that is an oversight.

The sad reality is, I actually like to have my commas in their proper positions. I take pains to keep the little guys corralled when I am working on a text. The real problem is when we go out in public, and they get into the verbal part of life. It's just so enjoyable to watch them run freely. Unfortunately, that seems to have an influence on my fingers and, the next thing you know, I'm letting those little rascals run free on paper too.

The moral of the story is, if you want to know how to raise proper commas, ask my wife. If you ask me, I'll likely shrug and say, “Throw them around liberally, then add a few at the end of every text, and they'll find their way home.”

And, for the record, no commas were harmed in the making of this blog post.

I Missed the Civil War

/

I guess I should be outraged. After a recent road trip that took in half of the USA, I have exactly zero seconds of inflammatory video to share on Facebook. With the current volatile condition of our country, I should have so much footage that a substantial edit would be necessary. But I have nothing! Zero is a small number. How will I ever get a viral post like this? Why do the big news outlets get all the breaks?

The entire situation should have been the perfect set-up. The country had been primed and the conditions were ideal for a riot. We traveled through many states and saw all the predictable bad drivers doing dumb stuff on the highway. The result was … nothing.

At one point it was over 100º and no one was loving it. We stopped for fuel at a busy truck stop and I thought surely someone would snap and the facade of peace would vaporize.

The place was teeming with every kind of biped imaginable. With a quick survey of the peevish masses, I noted that every skin tone was present. The array of automobiles ranged from a rusted-out K-car to a shiny Lexus SUV. Every economic class was represented. And everyone was in a hurry. I knew it was a Molotov cocktail of humanity. I had my camera at the ready.

A COEXIST Subaru plastered with “Bernie” stickers pulled up beside a redneck truck with oversized tires and Stars and Bars emblazoned across the back window. As they fueled their respective vehicles, I waited for … nothing.

There was at least one Muslim wearing one of those headwrap things and a truck driver with obvious gender identity issues. Nothing.

A woman with white skin held the door for a black-skinned family, and the black woman in turn held the door for me. I held the door for the next person, and that seemed to perpetuate until … nothing.

Beautiful and ugly, smelly and clean, rich and poor, black and white, cops and civilians, old and young, we all used the same amenities and no one even so much as made a snide comment about someone else. In fact, most people amicably greeted their fellow humans as if the personal interlude from the isolation of their car was a relief. They had to all be faking it! I have seen “The News!”

Against all odds, that trend continued across state lines, over the mountains, across the plains, daytime, nighttime, and even in the big cities. It was as if everyone was conspiring against me to deprive me of my moment of glory. I thought, “How am I ever going to video a riot with all these people being polite to each other?”

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY? Don't these people know they are supposed to be at war with each other? Why are they going around as if they have normal lives to live?

Then it struck me. If you want to get a front-row video of a riot, you have to start your own! I would even bet there is a huge financial benefit for such a thing.

But that seems really impolite. I'm sure Miss Manners would not approve of that. And it surely doesn't line up with the teachings of Jesus about loving your neighbors and even praying for those who mistreat you.

So with my profit potential devastated and my visions of fame dashed to the curb, I plot my revenge. If they're going to be like that, I'll show them!
I'll reach out to my neighbors and coworkers with respect and do what I can to maintain their dignity. I'll go to the source, and call out injustice when I see it. I'll not fan anyone's flames of hate or fear, even if that means “news” sources lose revenue. I'll not explode over half-true inflammatory Facebook posts. And I refuse to live in fear of people with a different skin color than my own.

I'm sure this will not fix all the problems in the world. There will always be people who mistreat others. Those situations obviously need to be resolved one at a time. But maybe, just maybe, it will stir up some peace somewhere.

The Cat Is Out of the Bag

/

Yes, folks, you read that right, The Cat and the River Thames is now available! This is Book 2 in the Adventures of Boathouse Mouse, and you don't want to miss it.

“So tell us where we can get our copy already!”

Oh, yes, that. The Cat and the River Thames is available through Amazon.
Shawna and I both have copies to sell. And you might want to stay tuned for further retail developments.

LIST $10.49   INTENDED AUDIENCE: 5-11 YEARSThe Cat and the River Thames BY RV HODGEISBN 978-0997553703

LIST $10.49   INTENDED AUDIENCE: 5-11 YEARS
The Cat and the River Thames
BY RV HODGE
ISBN 978-0997553703