Ponce de León is alleged to have “discovered” Florida in search of the Fountain of Youth. I don't know if he was really searching for the fountain or not. Some historians believe that was a posthumous attribution. I don't know that either.

Logically, it would seem like a waste of time to go rooting around in the jungle for a “secret” fountain rumored to possess youth giving powers. It seems to me it would have been much easier to ride through the villages. When you notice a village has no old people … voilà! The fountain of youth has to be nearby.

Yet an easier way to search would be to Google it. I realize good ol' Ponce may have forgotten his password in all his wanderings. But surely he had some fourteen-year-old servant that could have hacked his iParchment and gotten him back in.

Considering his level of technological challenge, I suppose Ponce did alright. They probably would have burned him at the stake for pulling out a laptop anyway. Go figure, because they surely would have basked in the magical powers of the fountain.

Well, enough picking on people who have been gone for half a millennium. When I do a quick search, I find Florida has the highest percentage of seniors over sixty-five in the USA. I'm thinking the Fountain of Youth thing isn't there. So, where in the world is it? Inquiring minds want to know!

I have found it. It is in my kitchen, on the counter. And it cost me less than twenty bucks at Walmart.

Yep, according to a recent study, and this one is the right one, the more coffee a person drinks the longer he or she lives. I like that. My Mr.Coffee is the fountain of youth! Talk about music to a coffee drinker's ears.

I suspect there is a limit to the life expectancy thing. If, for instance, you were to drink one thousand gallons of coffee in one day, you would drown. That is not working in your favor. Also the article did not mention immortality, just longer life statistically. Let's not get carried away in our excitement.

So, there are many scientific theories being bandied about for this fantastic brew of good news. There will, no doubt, be the politically correct people who want tea to have the same effects. But I don't think that is actually possible. I know the real reason it works for coffee drinkers. Seems obvious to me. Coffee drinkers live longer, because they want to.